


The Pineapple Kingdom

by Irasst



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Crack, F/F, Fantasy, WTF am I reading
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-12
Packaged: 2018-10-30 22:06:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10885860
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Irasst/pseuds/Irasst
Summary: A classic trope of love overcoming the division of classes, told with a fruity twist. Squire Angela Ziegler and Future-Sultan Fareeha Amari may be in love with each other, but they must choose between their romance and their duty to the Pineapple Kingdom.





	The Pineapple Kingdom

When the air grows dry and hot, the people pray to Almabir, the God of Rain who takes the form of a colossal jaguar whose mighty roar startles the clouds into dropping their bounty. He lives inside the second star of the constellation Miharr, which is rich in fruit and drink, an exquisite paradise, for which there is little wonder that Almabir may sometimes overlook the people who need him, until their pitiful pleas reach him in the sky.

After weeks of such disappointing weather, when the frogs stopped chirping and the leaves turned shyly from the sun, the high priests of the Pineapple Kingdom gathered to sacrifice a lamb in Almabir’s name, whose still-beating heart furthered the flow of its blood until the stream caught Almabir’s attention. He turned his head to the land, drool escaping from his lips to give respite to the scorched earth.

A person of this land would call themselves an ananas, where the plural form is ananases. One such ananas, Angela Ziegler, a child of just six growth seasons awoke to this occasion, and ventured out her home to enjoy the good weather. Orphaned as a seedling, Angela was adopted by Sir Reinhardt Wilhelm, a ripe ananas of high birth and a history of great accomplishments, but with no plans of having sprouts of his own. It is unknown why Reinhardt never found a mate, but servants of the royal palace that have too much time on their hands whisper of stories that Reinhardt fell in love with an ananas he could not have. But Angela, so young and virtuous had no mind for such rumours, and roamed about just beyond the Inner Wall, a region reserved for the knights and the knights’ children.

There were few sprouts her age here. Of them was one called Jesse McCree, a sprout of similar circumstances as Angela, whose parents died when he was young and also given refuge by Sir Wilhelm. The two were raised as siblings, but must one day compete for Reinhardt’s name at his passing. And as long as they earned their knighthood, either the future Sir Angela Wilhelm or Sir Jesse Wilhelm would take control the Wilhelm Estate and serve the sultan of the Pineapple Kingdom.

The current royal line lives by the surname of Amari. The Amaris came from the fierce, warmongering tribes of ananas from across the Lake of Fire. They won the throne through war over two hundred growth seasons ago. But unlike her ancestors, the present day Sultan Amari favours peace, maintaining an army for the sole purpose of defending the kingdom’s borders. The Amaris have long since adopted the customs of the land, including changing one’s given name to “Ana” upon their coronation. And thus, the ruler of the Pineapple Kingdom is called Sultan Ana Amari, as was her predecessor, and her predecessor, and the predecessors before, with the last non-Amari sultan being Sultan Ana Mustim. The “Ana”, of course, is in reference to “ananas”, as a symbolic reminder that the sultans must always put the interests of the people first and foremost.

Angela had been learning this history in her studies, as all children of knights, informally called squires, are given a basic education until their sixteenth growth season, when they have reached the age of ripeness. However, sprouts of Angela’s age need only study indoors when the weather is dry. And when it is wet like on this particular day, they are free to take the day off to play, as sprouts should.

Angela watched the sky in fascination, sticking out her tongue to catch as many raindrops as possible. She clapped her hands together and raised them to the sky, thanking Almabir for his gift, before she was tackled and wrestled to the ground. Jesse was slightly smaller than her, and Angela had no problem gaining the advantage in their game. Then, she swatted Jesse’s shoulder, reminding the sprout that they should take their time to pay their respects to the Rain God.

Jesse begrudgingly did so, cheating a tad by keeping one eye open as Angela recited their prayers. When she was done, Jesse spoke.

“Do you think it’ll rain enough for puddles?”

Jesse liked to jump in puddles. There wasn’t a sprout who didn’t. Ripe ananases liked it as well, but of course, had learned the restraint necessary in public conduct.

“I doubt it”, responded Angela, noticing how light the rainfall was. “So let’s take advantage of the good weather while we can!”

Jesse nodded in agreement, grabbed Angela’s hand, and broke into a run.

“Where are we going?” asked Angela.

“I made a new friend. A sprout our age. I promised I’d introduce you two today”, said Jesse.

Angela followed Jesse, knowing better than to ask where they were going. Jesse had a tendency to explore further than Angela, and liked to share new discoveries with her, but refused to tell her what their destination was until she could find out for herself.

They traversed on sturdy dirt roads, passing trees full of figs, cacao, peaches, papaya, and many more fruits. They passed few houses, as each knight that lived on such properties owned large pieces of land, certainly too large for sprouts Angela’s size to travel across. Like all houses in the Pineapple Kingdom, the walls were made of entwined vines, structural support provided by still-living trees. Every growth season the trees and vines would grow, meaning the house would grow in size as well. A new house when planted would only be large enough for one ananas to live in, but with careful cultivation and the right spells, could grow to house many generations of ananases. Houses were a symbol of its owner’s family line, as the end of the line would mean the land would be turned over to a new, emerging ananas family, where the old house would be burned in exchange for a new one. As such, families with large houses were given much respect, as only a powerful yet resourceful family could maintain themselves for the centuries required for the houses to grow so large.

The main Wilhelm house was one of the largest on the west side of the palace, and if Reinhardt had not adopted, the legacy of the Wilhelms would have been razed. The property rested adjacent to the Inner Wall, which separated the knights’ lands from the palace and the homes of the nobility that shared the palace grounds. Both the lands of the knights and nobility were encased by yet another wall, known as the Outer Wall, and beyond that were where the majority of peasants worked their farms. The peasants that farmed the knights’ lands worked under serfdom.

Angela and Jesse eventually stopped running when they got to the Inner Wall. Like the houses, the wall was made of vines entwined so tightly, not even a mouse would be able to squeeze through. This wall had been growing for longer than anybody could remember and went so high it blocked the sun at all stages save for at midday.

“Look here”, whispered Jesse, pointing at a section of the wall, so low that it was permanently hidden by the shadow created by its highest branches.

Angela’s eyes followed Jesse’s gesture towards a large berry bush. Jesse pushed his way through the bush, and then disappeared. Angela waited, thinking that perhaps Jesse found and stashed something interesting in the bush, until he popped back out and urged her to follow.

And follow she did, fighting aside the dense branches that cracked in protest at her rough treatment.

The bush went deeper than Angela thought, and she crawled and crawled until finally she was blinded by the light of the rising sun, and blearily, realized that she was on the other side of the wall.

She gaped at what she saw.

She had never seen so much of the royal palace before. She had seen some of it as it was so massive that the highest peaks of it could be seen over the wall. But unlike the houses of the knights and even of the nobility, it was made of white, pearly stone. The palace was cut in such a way that it caught the light of the early sun and refracted the beams in all directions, like a refined gem would. 

“Wow”, breathed Angela, before she came to her senses. “We’re on the other side of the wall? How? It’s supposed to be impenetrable.”

“I don’t know”, said Jesse. “I was looking for berries to pick before I just wandered here by accident. But I think it was fate for us to come here. Surely, a god must be watching us.”

“Why do you say that?”

“It was my destiny to meet Hanzo! I’ve only known him for a little, but I can tell that we’re going to be the best of friends.”

Angela did not know who this Hanzo was, but she was not impressed by what she was hearing.

“I thought I was your best friend”, said Angela.

“Ew, you’re different. You’re my sister”, said Jesse.

Angela looked genuinely hurt, so Jesse changed the topic.

“Come on, we’re wasting time! Let’s go! The Shimada House is just over there!”

Jesse pointed at a nearby house. It rivalled the Wilhelm House in size, but the difference was that many smaller houses surrounded it, and a large courtyard sat in the middle.

“We can’t!” said Angela. “We’re not supposed to be on this side of the wall. It’s not allowed.”

“Oh come on”, urged Jesse. “We don’t have any other friends because all the other knight sprouts live so far away! I didn’t think we had neighbours so close this whole time.”

“We’re separated by a wall for a reason”, protested Angela.

“Stop being such a good girl”, whined Jesse. “If you’re not coming, I’ll go by myself!”

“Jesse, no! If you go, I’m telling!”

Jesse froze, but was reanimated after thinking for a moment.

“Go ahead”, said Jesse. “No matter what you say, I know that fate is on my side. I’m going to be best friends with Hanzo forever!”

Angela’s lips drew into a tight line as she watched Jesse skip away. She considered following him for a moment, but then resolved that she would do the right thing by turning back.

She looked back to where she had come from. There was no hole that she could see, but when she ran her fingers lightly from where she was sure she had emerged, she found the vines, usually tough and unyielding, shy away from her touch. She noticed a little stick covered in red chalk stuck in the soil at the entrance. Jesse must have been using it to mark the passage.

Angela pressed her fingers harder, and watched with fascination at the way at the vines sucked in her hand. She took a step forward, and the sensation was almost like sinking into sand. She moved slowly, feeling resistance in some parts, until she got on her knees to crawl, just like how she entered. The passageway, no matter how magical, was decently small. A ripe ananas would never be able to fit through here.

Cautious, little Angela headed straight home. Reinhardt was not there. Maybe he went to the palace to discuss the growing problem of Black Rot, aggressive mob monsters that had appeared recently near the kingdom’s borders. It was said the Reinhardt was a trusted friend and advisor to the current Sultan Ana Amari, the two having come close when they fought together against the White Blister, the name of the last time the Black Rot tore through the country. He was one of the few that Sultan Amari had entrusted with the name she had been given at birth.

Angela thought it was sad that sultans had to lose their first names upon rising to power. Trading the “Ziegler” from her name for Wilhelm meant nothing to her as she never knew her parents or the Ziegler line. But she had been Angela all her life, and surely she would lose a piece of herself if she had to trade it for another name.

Angela went to the training grounds and picked up a wooden staff. As the child of a knight, she began training as soon as she could hold a weapon, which happened to be before she could even walk. Reinhardt wielded a giant hammer, and as his squire, Angela favoured his use of two-handed weapons. Jesse; however, was all over the place. Unlike her, he was naturally gifted at all weapons he touched, and there was no sign of a favourite yet. But if Angela were to keep up, she had to invest twice his effort into learning a single weapon.

Angela gripped her staff firmly, and leaned into a stable stance in front of a worn training dummy. She struck it confidently with one end before bringing up the other end to deliver a quick, yet weaker blow. She furrowed her eyebrows in concentration, but after a few minutes, she was interrupted.

“Excuse me”, said a small voice she did not recognize.

“Hmmm?” said Angela turning to see a tiny sprout approaching her.

Based on her size, the sprout looked younger, perhaps by one growth season or so. Her hair had fallen out of place, and Angela had the biggest urge to tie it up again to that it was sticking straight up, like all ananases’ did.

“Hello”, said the little sprout.

“Hi”, said Angela, curiously approaching the sprout so that she could observe her more closely. “My name is Angela. Who are you?”

“My name is Fareeha”, said the sprout. Her voice was so high-pitched, it almost sounded like a squeak. “I need your help.”

“What would you like me to do?” said Angela.

“Well, I lost my house, you see”, said Fareeha. “I need you to help me find it.”

“Lost your house? How can you lose a house? Did it grow legs and walk away?” said Angela.

“I dunno”, said Fareeha. “You see, I was at my house, and I went out to play in the rain. And then I saw this pretty little butterfly, and I followed it. When I stopped chasing it, my house was gone. So it must be lost.”

Angela did not believe for a second that the house lost itself. But the little sprout must have been a long way from home in any case.

“Do you know where your house was? Before you lost it?” said Angela. “If it was north, south, east, west of the palace, for example?”

Fareeha shook her head.

“What is the name of your house?” said Angela.

“I don’t know”, said Fareeha.

“What is your last name?” said Angela.

Fareeha crossed her arms and scrunched up her face as she thought.

“I don’t have one”, she finally decided.

“You don’t have a last name? Are you an orphan?” said Angela.

“No, I have a mama. But Mama never called me by my last name, so I must not have one”, said Fareeha.

“Oh”, said Angela. “Well, I don’t know what to do, then.”

“So you can’t help me find my house?” said Fareeha. She sighed and plopped onto her bottom on the ground. “My legs are tired from looking for it. I’m really worried about my house. What if it’s scared?”

“Silly, houses are only afraid of fire”, said Angela, patting Fareeha on the back in attempt to comfort her.

“Mama told me that my house isn’t afraid of fire”, said Fareeha.

“Oh, it must be enchanted then”, said Angela.

“Maybe.”

“Here, sit up”, said Angela. “Your leaves are drooping. I’ll tie it back up.”

Fareeha did as she was told and Angela fixed up her hair with practiced hands. Jesse was also bad at doing his leaves, and Angela helped him put it up every day.

“Are you hungry?” said Angela. “Reinhardt always leaves food for me and my brother when he goes out.”

“Yeah, I am”, said Fareeha.

The thought of food gave Fareeha the motivation to stand and follow Angela into her house.

“Where’s your brother?” said Fareeha.

“He’s out playing with another sprout”, sniffed Angela indignantly.

She cut a piece of orange pie and handed it to Fareeha.

“That’s too bad”, said Fareeha, accepting the pie. “I can play with you instead! Oh, but I’m too tired to play.”

“Hmmm”, said Angela. “Well, if you’re too tired, how about I read something to you?”

“Wow! You can already read?” exclaimed Fareeha. “You don’t look that much older than me!”

“Yes, I can!” said Angela, feeling her chest rise in pride. “I’m only six growth seasons old, but I’ve already read all the picture books.”

“Amazing!” Fareeha clapped her hands together. “Read me your favourite!”

“Ok.” Angela led her to the Wilhelm library that was filled with books from floor to ceiling. She picked one out and sat down on the floor. Fareeha joined her.

“This is a story about Adaela, the God of Justice, and Rafma, the God of Mercy, and how they met”, said Angela.

“Ew, is this a love story?” said Fareeha.

“Yeah, but it’s much more than that!” said Angela.

“Fine, let’s hear it. But I want to hold the book!” said Fareeha.

“Here”, said Angela, handing over the book. “But hold still, or else I can’t read!”

“Yeah, yeah.”

Fareeha noticed the way that Angela had to crane her neck over her lap to look at the words on the pages. So she climbed into Angela’s lap and held open the book in front of her.

Angela tucked Fareeha’s head under her chin and began to read.

_“Adaela is the God of Justice, and lived on the east end of the heavens.”_

Angela pointed at the picture of Adaela. Adaela was tall and slender, with a furless, primate-like body, and the head of a falcon.

_“Adaela only had to look in the eyes of a person and she knew all his crimes.”_

Angela turned the page, revealing a picture of rounder, softer god, with a similar body of a furless primate, but in the place of arms, had white, feathery wings.

_“Rafma is the God of Mercy, and lived on the west end of the heavens. Rafma only had to look in the eyes of a person and she knew all his virtues.”_

She turned the page.

_“Adaela punished those who had done evil and Rafma rewarded those who had done good. But over time, Adaela’s heart grew hard, as all she could see was bad. Rafma could only see good, and her heart grew so light and full of holes that one day she started to float so high that she could not go home anymore.”_

“Rafma is like me”, interrupted Fareeha. “I can’t go home either.”

“Shhh”, said Angela before continuing the story. _“And so Rafma floated and floated, until she came across Adaela, who lived high in the heavens. Adaela was judging a peasant from the Planet of Never-ending Sea, who had stolen a loaf of fish-bread.”_

There was a picture of the person, whose top half was that of a dog, and whose bottom half was that of a fish.

_“‘For your crime, I shall punish you with three strikes to the face, ten growth seasons of imprisonment, and a permanent mark on your tail so that all will know of your transgressions’, declared Adaela._

_‘Stop, that is too harsh’, called Rafma from above. ‘This peasant has done nothing wrong. I can see that he is a good father, and although he is poor, managed to feed his family and saved them from starvation.’_

_‘I do not see such an honourable man’, said Adaela. ‘Only one who has stolen.’_

_‘I do not see a thief’, said Rafma. ‘Only a man who saved the lives of many little ones.’_

_‘How do you suggest I punish this man, then?’ said Adaela._

_‘You should not punish him at all’, said Rafma. ‘Instead we should fill his arms with as much food as his arms can carry and send him back home to his family.’_

_‘That will not do’, said Adaela. ‘The merchant he stole from is also poor, and without the revenue from his bread, one of his children starved. We cannot turn back time, but I can bring justice to the deceased.’_

_‘That is a terrible thing to hear’, said Rafma. The holes in her heart began to fill, and she sank softly to the ground. ‘But the punishment is too harsh. How could this peasant have known of the merchant’s circumstances? It seems in either case there would be one dead child, and one grieving father. The peasant did what he could to save his children.’_

_Adaela felt her heart grow lighter as she considered what Rafma had to say._

_‘Very well’, said Adaela. ‘I will set this peasant free. The days that he spent awaiting his trial are sufficient for his punishment.’_

_When Adaela accompanied the peasant back to the Planet of Never-ending Sea, she returned home to find that Rafma was waiting for her._

_They looked into each other’s eyes, and both gods were surprised at what they saw._

_Adaela saw bad in Rafma. Rafma had released a criminal out of mercy, and the criminal returned home to slaughter one hundred babes._

_Rafma saw good in Adaela. Adaela had captured a powerful, magic-wielding murderer who had destroyed many worlds, and imprisoned him where he could no longer kill._

_They became enamoured with each other._

_‘Will you stay with me and judge the characters of criminals in a holistic light?’ said Adaela. ‘As mercy without justice is irresponsible, and justice without mercy is inhumane.’_

_Rafma said, ‘I will be your wings if you will be my anchor.’_

The end”, finished Angela.

“Wow”, said Fareeha, closing the book. “Rafma is so pretty, isn’t she? I liked her white wings.”

“I think Adaela is much prettier”, said Angela. “She looked beautiful in the blue dress.”

“Adaela is cool, not pretty”, said Fareeha. “She captured a murderer that nobody else could! I want to be strong like her!”

“Rafma obviously has better character though”, said Angela. “She made mistakes, but to only see the good in people is very admirable and everybody should try to be like her.”

The two sprouts squabbled until they came to the agreement that although both gods were wonderful, being with each other made them better.

Angela read Fareeha more books until the sky grew dark and Reinhardt finally returned home.

“Reinhardt!” exclaimed Angela, jumping into the ripe ananas’s arms.

“Sorry I’m home so late”, said Reinhardt. He tossed the sprout into the air, making her squeal, and set her softly back onto her feet. “There was a lot of commotion at the palace because the future-sultan went missing and…”

Reinhardt’s voice trailed off at the approach of a second set of footsteps that did not belong to Jesse.

“Hello”, said Fareeha. “Are you Angela’s baba?”

Reinhardt stared blankly but quickly snapped out of his stupor.

“No, I mean yes, I mean Angela lost her baba when she was just a seedling, and now I’m her baba”, said Reinhardt.

“Oh, Angela, you didn’t tell me!” puffed Fareeha.

“Reinhardt is my real baba so it doesn’t matter. I don’t have a mama though”, said Angela.

“I have a mama, but no baba”, said Fareeha. “Reinhardt, maybe you can be my mama’s mate, and then Angela and I can have the same mama and baba.”

“You have no idea how much I – ” Reinhardt caught himself. “I mean, it’s getting dark, we should get you home.”

“I can’t go home, I lost my house”, Fareeha politely informed Reinhardt.

“Don’t worry, I found your house, Fareeha”, said Reinhardt gently.

“How did you know my name?” exclaimed Fareeha.

“You’re the spitting image of your mama”, Reinhardt said.

“Oh, where is her house then?” said Angela.

“The palace”, answered Reinhardt. “Fareeha Amari’s home is the palace.”

 

* * *

 

Angela accompanied Reinhardt and Fareeha back to the palace. Reinhardt’s shoulders were so broad that each sprout could sit comfortably on each of his shoulders, and they stabilized each other’s perch by clutching their hands together.

The guards watching the gate nodded at Reinhardt as he passed. Normally sprouts were not permitted to cross the gate, but sometimes highly-respected knights could get away with bringing their sprouts across if they were very young.

They had to go back on foot, and the journey would be long, so Angela begged and pleaded for a story.

“Reinhardt tells the best stories”, said Angela.

“I love stories”, said Fareeha.

Reinhardt chuckled softly, and eventually yielded to the sprouts’ desires.

“In the beginning, Earth was a barren wasteland, nothing but a rock floating in nothingness. The gods paid little attention here, as there is no need to explore such a pitiful place when the heavens are full of light and merriment. They congregated in the stars with the most bounty, where water flowed like liquid gold from fountains, and the air was sweet with flowers and fruit.

But one star, known to us now as Fra’ard, rumoured to be the richest in such abundances was guarded fiercely by the most powerful, most greedy gods. Many of the lesser gods could only dream of what rare food could be found there, and soon the rumours of Fra’ard reached the ears of Karraz, the God of Gluttony.

Karraz was infamous among the gods for having a voracious appetite, as she travelled from star to star, devouring all she could lay her hands upon. And she had many hands, as Karraz had two legs to walk upon, yet four arms. Her lower arms specialized in grabbing, and her higher two arms in stuffing her mouth. Her abdomen protruded greatly, engorged with all she had ever swallowed. Her back was covered in a skin so thick that when the other gods shot arrows at her to chase her away, the tips would break upon her back.

When Karraz heard of Fra’ard, she imagined a land which may one day satiate her never-ending hunger. She sneaked onto the star, and may have managed to steal tastes of the rich food, if she could just stay patient. But she had her first taste of alpaca, a highly exceptional treat as there is almost no meat in the heavens, and it proved to be her downfall. Once she sampled, she could not stop, and was soon captured by the greater gods, shocked and furious that the only herd of alpacas in the whole universe was now extinct.

Karraz grovelled pitifully at the greater gods’ feet, begging for forgiveness, and was turned over to Adaela, the God of Justice for punishment.

Adaela cast her eyes downwards and spotted the barren land of Earth, where she sentenced Karraz to one million growth seasons of confinement until she had learned her lesson. Karraz was devastated, as there was nothing to eat on Earth, and her stomach rumbled and squeezed painfully. The only thing she could do to appease her belly was to consume large rocks and boulders. It is said that to the south of where the Pineapple Kingdom is today was once the largest mountain range on the planet. But Karraz swallowed these mountains, mowing them down into what are now the flat lowlands.  

But Karraz was still hungry. She longed for the days of the past when she would arrive to parties uninvited and devour so much that the blood of fruit would make her hands sticky and stain her front in the colour of crimson. Comparing her past and her current state filled Karraz with great anxiety, and she chewed nervously on her bottom lip. She chewed and chewed until she inadvertently ate her own lip. She had not yet noticed this, and continued to eat herself, piece by piece, until she had swallowed her whole jaw, teeth and all. When her teeth were no more, she could no longer eat, and she wailed her misfortune, although no one could hear her.

As she walked, she defecated the rocks she had swallowed, which had been so crushed by her stomach that it came out as fine, rich soil. The more she paced, the more this spread. Then, the seeds of the fruits she had eaten in her past life emerged from her derriere, and fell upon this fertile earth. And then, most amazingly, the parts of herself that she had consumed gave life to the remaining earth in her belly. From her teeth came the great trees. From her shapeless excrement rose the animals and the first peoples of the land. Ananas: the Pineapple People. Kumu: the Pear People. Sabbasan: the Cactus People. Ja’iin: the Carrot People. From the most toxic parts of her feces came pestilence and monsters, including our most feared enemy: the Black Rot.

Her tears blinded Karraz so that she could not see what she had created, and could only think of her own woe, so she wept and wept, tears creating ponds, rivers, seas, and oceans. She cried more until her sorrow overcame her, and she splintered into a billion pieces. Each of these pieces resembled Karraz, from their six limbs, to their tough backs, and most notably, the lack of jaw so they could not chew.

With eyes no longer clouded by tears, they could see what had become of Earth. They saw the people and how juicy they appeared, and latched onto them, hoping to take a bite. When they could not, they plucked some spines off the sabbasan, hollowed them, and used them to suck the life-force out of the people.

You can see the descendants of Karraz today, in the form of mealybugs that plague the people of all four nations. They are; however, small and can do no great harm to people, although the same cannot be said of our crops.”

“Did this happen before Adaela met Rafma?” said Angela.

“That it did”, said Reinhardt.

“I’ve already heard this story” Fareeha said smugly. “But Reinhardt tells it better than Mama.”

“Reinhardt is the best”, said Angela proudly.

“Say, Fareeha”, said Reinhardt. “How did you get past the wall in the first place?”

“I dunno”, said Fareeha. “Like I told Angela, I was just following this beautiful butterfly and when I realized where I was, I was at your house.”

Angela gasped and turned so sharply that she almost fell off of Reinhardt’s shoulder.

“It’s fate!” exclaimed Angela. “I didn’t believe it earlier when Jesse said so, but surely we were meant to meet each other and become best friends!”

“What are you saying, sprout?” laughed Reinhardt.

“Jesse thinks fate made it so he could be friends with Hanzo! I thought it was just an accident, but this situation is so much more complicated, so it has to be true! So the gods somehow helped Jesse across the wall so that he would bring me, but they knew I would turn back, and then they helped Fareeha across so we would meet!” said Angela.

“You also got through the wall?” said Reinhardt, surprised. “Nothing can penetrate the wall. It’s even warded against fire!”

“That’s why I’m saying it’s fate!” said Angela.

“Is that true?” said Fareeha, the sprout growing visibly excited. “I hope it is, because everyone is scared of Mama, so nobody wants to be friends with me. Will you be my friend, Angela?”

“Yes, it is! We’ll be friends forever”, declared Angela.

“Hush, hush, young sprouts. I’m happy you’ve found each other, but I need to warn you to be careful”, said Reinhardt.

Angela frowned.

“Oh, is it because I’m not allowed to come here?” said Angela. “But Fareeha can always visit me, right?”

“Mama doesn’t like it when I leave the house”, said Fareeha. “But everybody was celebrating the good weather, so I don’t think they saw me leave.”

Angela leaned over Reinhardt’s head and pulled Fareeha closer so she could whisper in her ear.

“Don’t worry Fareeha, I’ll find you again. And I’ll bring you to the secret spot so you’ll know how to cross the wall.”

“Promise?” said Fareeha, holding out her pinky.

“Promise”, said Angela, hooking her pinky with Fareeha’s and giving it a hearty shake.

“I know you’re conspiring up there, but if you’re not obvious, I won’t say anything”, said Reinhardt.

In due time, they arrived at the palace.

Angela had thought she had gaped at the palace enough that day. But the palace was different at night.

It appeared to be that the palace absorbed a good amount of light during the day, and now exuded its own glow. She had wondered what it was at a distance, but she had no idea the palace provided light bright enough to travel safely by at night.

There was a big fuss when the first servant saw Fareeha riding upon Reinhardt’s shoulder. She shrieked and hobbled over to the sprout, raising her arms so she could be the one to return the future-sultan to her mother. Other servants caught notice and rushed over as well, each hoping that Fareeha would pick them so they could gain favour from the sultan.

Fareeha clung tightly to Angela with her right hand, and to Reinhardt’s hair with her left. Reinhardt complained when a servant tried to forcefully pry Fareeha off him, only to threaten to take half of Reinhardt’s shining, gold leaves with her. But it was not until Angela was nearly knocked off from Reinhardt’s other shoulder that Reinhardt lost his patience.

“Enough!” roared Reinhardt. “I, Sir Reinhardt Wilhelm, trusted friend of Sultan Ana Amari will be the one to restore the future-sultan to her home. Clear yourselves from my path, or you will get caught in my stampede.”

Of course, the entire palace and its staff knew who Reinhardt was; as such a large ananas with such a deep, booming voice could scarcely go unnoticed even when he was not angry. They knew he was trustworthy, but also serious about his threats, so they got out of his way and let him proceed.

Reinhardt knew where Sultan Ana Amari’s quarters were, so he needed no guidance. He climbed a spiralling staircase, which was covered in a fine, blue carpet. Angela inspected the wall, which was adorned with portraits of all the last sultans of the Pineapple Kingdom. At the bottom was the first sultan. As they got higher, Angela spotted who must have been the last Sultan Ana Mustim, and the first Sultan Ana Amari. From that point onwards, Angela thought that all the Sultan Ana Amaris looked suspiciously alike.

The current Sultan Ana Amari slept in a room at the end of a long hall. Reinhardt tapped on the door with just two fingertips; his strength was so great that that was sufficient for knocking.

“Reinhardt? Were you still here? Come in”, came a voice on the other side of the door.

Reinhardt let himself in, and almost immediately, Ana was in front of him.

“Fareeha! Where were you?” exclaimed Ana.

“Mama, Mama, I went on an adventure today! And I learned so many things! Did you know that my last name was Amari?” said Fareeha.

She climbed off Reinhardt’s shoulder and into Ana’s arms.

“Oh, thank goodness you were the one to find her!” Ana said to Reinhardt. “She’s a brilliant sprout, really, but she has these moments of stupidity… oh, who is this?” Ana had finally noticed Angela. “Is this sprout yours?”

“Yes, one of them. The smarter one”, said Reinhardt.

“Hi”, said Angela, waving shyly from her perch behind Reinhardt’s ear. “My name is Angela.”

“They didn’t find me, I found them!” said Fareeha. “And the first one I found was Angela, not Reinhardt. I like Reinhardt. His mouth box makes loud noises.”

“I know, habibti, I like Reinhardt too” said Ana, smiling at her sprout.

Angela felt Reinhardt’s ear warm up.

“But Angela is my favourite”, said Fareeha. “We’re going to be best friends. We promised.”

Ana turned her smile to Angela, but what Angela saw sent a cold shiver down her spine. What was different? Was it the eyes?

“It was lovely meeting you, Angela. But it’s getting late, and this sprout needs to go to bed. I’m sure you’re getting tired as well.”

“Aww, do they have to go, Mama? Don’t we have lots of rooms they can stay in? Can’t Angela stay in my room?” said Fareeha.

“I would love to, but I have to see if my other sprout made it home tonight”, said Reinhardt.

He knelt before Ana, took her gloved hand, and placed a kiss upon it.

“We’ll be taking our leave now. Goodnight, Your Majesty”, said Reinhardt.

Then, before anybody could react, like some sort of lemur, Fareeha pushed off from her mother and made a flying leap towards Reinhardt. She landed against his belly, clinging onto his clothes, and scampered up him like gravity had no effect on her.

“Fareeha!” scolded Ana.

“Just one sec…” Fareeha climbed next to Angela, and wrapped her legs around Reinhardt’s neck, stabilizing herself at the expense of Reinhardt’s ability to breathe. She grasped the sides of Angela’s face with her little hands, and pulled her in. She gave Angela a tiny smooch on her cheek, prompting Angela to giggle and give Fareeha a tight hug.

Fareeha returned this hug for just a second, before returning obediently to her mother.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Angela!” said Fareeha.

“Ye-” started Angela.

“No. No you won’t”, said Ana coldly. “Goodnight Sir Wilhelm. And Squire Wilhelm.”

“Mama?” said Fareeha.

Reinhardt turned and started to leave.

“Angela?” said Fareeha.

“Fareeha?” said Angela.

And the door closed between them.

**Author's Note:**

> I solemnly swear I was not on crack when I wrote this crack fic.
> 
> I wrote a silly line about pineapples in an upcoming chapter of "Impact Factor" when the "Fantasy AU" prompt came up for the Pharmercy subreddit. In that instant, the idea for this fic was born. 
> 
> Pineapples, like most plants, are hermaphroditic, and so the Pineapple People are also supposed to be hermaphrodites. I originally tried to write this fic using only gender-neutral pronouns, but I found it was slowing me down so much I wouldn't be able to submit this fic in time for the prompt. Then it turned out that I couldn't meet the deadline anyway, so I had to split what I had into chapters. If I ever re-write this story I'll commit to the original intention of using gender-neutral pronouns.
> 
> Also, in case you were wondering, Adaela and Rafma have human bodies. But there are no humans in this universe, so "furless primates" it is.


End file.
